Hard Truths and Hope

Season 3, Episode 14 of On the Sofa with British Mums feels like a big-sister catch-up in the best possible way. 

In this episode, host Emma Isbell is joined by the “big sisters” of British Mums, Rohini Gill and Heather Harries, for a real and honest conversation about what life in the UAE looks like right now.

They discuss the realities behind the headlines for both small and large businesses, the balancing act of homeschooling, Zoom calls, and family life, and the quiet ways so many are adapting behind the scenes. The episode is filled with candid moments, shared frustrations, and plenty of “me too” stories—but running through it all is a strong undercurrent of hope.

This conversation isn’t just about what the community is going through; it’s about what it’s growing into. Together, they reflect on the resilience of mums and business owners, the creativity that continues to thrive, and the belief that rebuilding is not only possible but inevitable—wiser, stronger, and more connected than ever. It’s a thoughtful, uplifting listen with women who’ve been there, seen it, and continue to cheer everyone on every step of the way.

https://britishmums.com/dubai/events/

#you're-a-part-of-this

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello and welcome to On the Sophia with British Mamas. This is season three, episode fourteen, and today is a big sister catch up in the best part of the way. My name is Emma, and today I am joined by the Big Sisters of British Moms Raheem Gill and Heather Harris for a real honest chat about what life is like in the UAE right now. We talk about the reality behind the headlines for small businesses and big businesses, what it's like juggling online schooling, zoom calls, and family life, and how so many of us are quietly adapting behind the scenes. There are candid moments, shared frustrations, and plenty of me to stories, but running through it all is a strong undercurrent of hope. We reflect on the resilience of this community, the creativity of moments and business owners, and the belief that we will rebuild stronger and more connected than ever. So grab yourself a cover and settle in for a beautiful, uplifting conversation with the women who've been there, who have seen it, and are cheering you on every step of the way. You're listening to On the Sofa with British Mums. Hello, and welcome to On the Sofa with British Mums. This is season three, episode 14, and my goodness me, what a year this month has been. We are here, it is Monday. It is the first day of distance learning for two weeks. It is thundering outside, just to add to the fun and theatrics. And joining me today, I'm really, really pleased, is the big sisters of the British Mons community, let's say. Two people that put into words all of the things that we're often thinking and really just make us feel like we have, yeah, somebody there that's gonna look out for us and be a sounding board. So joining me today, I've got Raheini and Heather. Hi guys, how are you? I'm very well. Very well. I am so pleased to hear that. My goodness, what a ride it's been for the last month, hasn't it? Oh goodness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

A year and a month? I think it's I think we're four weeks in. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

It's a year and a month. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, anyway, here we are. We're safe, we're in Jen's lovely house and we're together, which is really, really nice. Um, so today we're going to be talking about everything really, just the general general feeling across the group, uh, the general feeling across the UAE, how we think it might be affecting businesses, restaurants, certainly how we know it's affecting schools, um, because a lot of mums are hauled up today with kids on Zoom and getting up at four o'clock in the morning from the UK or in Sri Lanka or Bali. I see you Bali mums having a nice time. We see you. Um, but anyway, let's talk about it. So I'm gonna jump straight in with Heather. Heather, what do you think to the initial reaction to the homeschooling? Is it like a PTSD from COVID thing? Do you reckon that's the biggest issue?

SPEAKER_02 3:00

I think totally. I mean, I think what what I will say is that COVID caught us underwares. We hadn't done online learning before that. But ever since then, online learning has developed. Yes. It doesn't help because mums are not trained teachers. They're trying to run their own lives, they're trying to run their businesses, you know, and work and everything else. And it is really hard. I think online work, I've always said online learning, it works. Anyone from year seven upwards, it's really accessible. Primary, oh, it's a struggle. Um, but say that there's online learning is so much better. It's not about Teams calls, there's games on there, you know, that it's very much more interactive now. So it is doable, but not when you've got parents working as well. It's so hard. I really feel for parents who are working and navigating home learning.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Yeah, it's difficult, and you know, and the other thing is the other bit is I always think about the teachers that have got like I I said this in last week's podcast as well, 25 Little Faces on Zoom. And like you said, just to speak to your point there, if they're below year seven, I know what my two are like. They don't have the staying power, they're all over the place. It's like watching a box of puppies sort of navigate a maze. And you and you know, having to teach through that as well.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

It's it's hard enough in the classroom when you can actually nail them to a chair and you can give them a piece of plaster to play with, you know. But they but the problem as well is that you know you go to school and you've got children that um they they get a bit sort of you know angsty and they're not they're not playing very well, they're not working very well. You can instantly just put them to drawing or colouring, you can't do that online. And even go down a level, children who've got additional needs, who need a learning support sat next to them, they can't do online learning, it's just not possible.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I I sometimes wonder with uh all of this that's happening now, where there's sort of COVID was this sort of weird training that we didn't know that we were going through. Leading us all up to this kind of like, oh no, no, no, we can do it, we've got it. Um, but who knows? I'm not really sure. Raheini, you've spoken a lot on the group about sort of staying calm, keeping it together, but you just a minute ago before the mics were on, you were talking about the impact that you're already seeing on businesses, restaurants, I'm seeing a lot of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

And we're seeing some on the group as well, aren't we? Where people are asking for advice. Um, should they sign a contract with reduced salaries? Um, should they accept change in terms? So sadly, I'm seeing that side of it, and and so my day-to-day has changed completely. So I've kind of gone from recruiting and building organizations, which is what I love doing, to closing restaurants down, um sending people back home, wherever home may be. Yeah, so mine's a a different kettle of fish altogether. And and I really feel for the mums who are fighting for their job, so to speak, and having to do uh help with home learning. Yes. Can you imagine the the the anxiousness? The the juggle, yes, and and kids pick up on it, right? So I really, really feel for those mums, and that's what my post was, I think about Saturday. Do you know it's been six years since my posts? Oh, really? Yeah, they started in COVID. Gosh, COVID does not feel like six years ago. Six years ago, 20. 20. That is crazy. But sorry, so to go back, and that's what I was saying, like I am so proud of each and every one of us not like not giving our I can't even talk today, but not passing on our anxieties to the little ones.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Yes, and it is tough, and it's difficult in. We're we're mirrors as mothers, I think. Exactly. And and you know, having I I've got some friends with kids who are that little bit older, actually in the team, I know Charlotte won't mind me saying this, her her teenagers are, you know, they're getting updates from their friends on what their friends think, and you've got the kind of the difference in how people are explaining it to their children. If they're teens and they're whatsapping or they're TikToking or they're whatever, yeah, you've got you've got that to manage on top of it as well. You do. That kind of like, well, what is the narrative? How are we explaining this to our children? How are we getting through it? Um, you know, I think there's there's a whole heap of of complexity as business owners, teachers, mothers, all these things that we're having to lay out.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

We're talking about the elder children, and Heather, you must have this as well. So our son's in the UK, and he's obviously reading that side of things, and we're seeing this side of things, and so that brings in anxieties of its own. Like, how do you manage these children that are away from home seeing that side of the media? Absolutely. And you must have this too.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Yeah. Heather, your post yesterday, I it was beautiful, by the way. Really, really nicely written. I that one really pulled at my heartstrings. It was that standing in the kitchen moment that you said, what do I do?

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Just make a make a list, Emma.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Talk to me a little bit about that post. Can you tell me about that moment where you just sort of thought, This is this is it, this is the narrative this week, this is the place that I feel like I am. I don't know whether I do I stay, do I go, what do I do? Why do I feel bad about wanting to?

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Yes, I mean I hadn't I hadn't felt the need to go home at all. And then suddenly this week, I just a lot of people were leaving and school was starting, and my daughter's in the UK, and I just thought, oh, am I doing the right thing? Am I listening to the right information? And when I actually put it down to it, I've got nothing in the UK. I've got four houses, um, my daughter's there because she's studying in university, but but everything I own. You put your life here that I want. Yeah, I've got 20 years of my life invested into this country. My business, everything, everything is here. And going home doesn't make sense. I love living here, and I know from living here over the over the years it will come back. It's just we have to hold on. But my heart goes out too, and a lot of people commented on that post who've got small businesses, and they're like they're like me, they've invested everything in building those businesses, and to walk away from that small business is really hard. But to watch a small business fold because nobody's buying from it, or people are too worried to spend, or they're moving away, and to watch the the customers disappear, that's so so hard to watch because those businesses are your life, they're they're kind of your pension, they're everything you've built. Um, and even our business normally this time of the year, the phone doesn't stop. But I think because the schools kind of paused and the exams and everything else is paused, our phone's been quiet. And if we're not busy this time of the year, I don't know what will happen because that's what keeps us going. You know, the sort of the the end of February through to the end of May, that that's where we make our money, and I don't think we we're not going to do it this year because people just don't want to invest in education at the moment because they're just nervous about so much else around them. It's really tough, and if we're feeling it, everyone's feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And the knock on the knock-on effect is huge, I think. You know, it starts, I think small businesses feel it first, obviously, because that's that's a very initial sort of hit. Um, and then it's the larger ones, it's the hotels, it's the you know, tourism is a huge part of this beautiful country. Oh, hundred percent. And you know, if we haven't got people coming, then it's you know, but but I like what you said about you've seen you've seen it before and we will build back up. I truly, truly believe that the second act is going to be even more stunning. Oh, it will. I totally think that. I totally think that, and it's oh, can you hear the thunder? I can agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Did you hear that? And there it goes again. It absolutely goes. I like that. I 100% agree. But Emma, you saw it here first, Ash.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Did you see that?

SPEAKER_00 10:58

But Emma, do you remember, sweetheart? COVID, everybody, and I say everybody across the globe thought that's it, device finished. And now look at it. Look at it, right? The same thing. But going back to hospitality, as you said, Heather, it's it's really sad because we we have a little local uh wine bar, and and the staff there literally Is it in your lounge, Rahimi? No, no, this was a little bit. It was open this morning. Amazing. No, so so this is so funny. Okay, so the staff there actually call us mum and dad.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Oh, that's lovely.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

They genuinely call us mum and dad.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Where is the wine bath?

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Grape skin in City Walk. Is it lovely? Oh, it's fantastic. Lovely. And we love it. Give a shout out to businesses. Oh, yes, and they have a happy hour, and it's fantastic. But anyhow, okay, and they bring me crisps. They bring me crisps, it's not on the menu, but they bring me crisps. Okay, but besides that, so when the war broke out, it was Saturday. On Monday, so Sunday we were too scared, okay. Honestly, we were scared. And Monday I said to my husband, I said, Oh, we need to go to the grape, we need to go to Grapeskin, we need to see how they are. We need to reassure them. Went there, it was closed. Oh. And after I go, Wow, that was brave of you. But I was determined to go back. Wednesday went back to see them, give them all a hug and and make sure they were okay. But since then, a lot of them have been sent back home.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Oh, it's really sad, it's very sad. I mean, actually, we went to um we went to Maison Matisse in Ranches One, that is, isn't it? Yeah, um, a couple of weekends back, and it was bustling. I was so pleased to see it. And I was sat there and I had my beautiful meal that was just so lovely, and it was really, really nice. That comfort of being around people and going, oh no, no, it is nice. And down at the beach, I know has been bustling. Oh, yes, it is raining. Cats and dogs. Oh my god. Look at that, beautiful, it's cozy, I like it. Um, but yeah, no, I think there's there's some places where I'm seeing that a lot of communities, if it's within a community, are coming together and they're going down, which I quite like to see, but then there's other places obviously that are really, really suffering. My business, my business is is run entirely on children being in school physically. I know, they physically have to be in school, I know. And so, you know, it's I think a lot of us are having to show resilience that I think that mothers are trained to have. True, to be honest. True. Back to the homeschooling really quickly, because I know a lot of people are gonna be sat stressing this morning, and actually, I was talking to a group of my mum friends. I I'm a homeschooling mum, so I homeschool my kids. So this is just a walk in the park for me. Oh, brilliant. Um, it's the only thing I can say out of this where I'm like, well, okay, there you go. Yeah, it's fine, business as usual. Um if you were gonna advise people, especially below year seven, on how to deal with homeschooling, Heather, what would be your sage piece of sort of umbrella advice with the whole thing? I think I know what it's gonna be, but I'd like to hear it from your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

So there's quite a lot, there's a lot of discussion about this at the moment, and a lot of parents want to take their children out of school because they're saying, why am I paying these fees? My children are going to get nothing out of the out of being at home and homeschooling. Uh it just seems like a waste of money and a waste of time. So, yes, 100%. If you can afford to leave your children in homeschooling, leave them in homeschooling. I my my vision on this is by April we're all going to be back, okay? I that's that's my words, I'm putting them out there. We're going to be putting out the city.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

I really I think that you're a fortune teller. Hold on to that, aren't we?

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Um so I I think you know, if you can, you're obviously going to stay on track. Curriculum and learning is going to come through. But what I would 100% say, mental health comes first. If the homeschooling is becoming a problem for you and your children, they will not miss an awful lot. You look at the kids during COVID, yes, some of them have perhaps got a few rocky foundations in punctuation and times tables. In GCSEs, that's equivalent to about three marks. It's not going to wreck their lives. So if you've got children that are, if you're anxious, if they're anxious, if homeschooling is kind of the last thing you want on your plate, just put it to one side. Paint a picture, make a cake, sing a song, learn the piano, do whatever you want, learn a dance. You know, there's all these um TikTok dances that everyone's doing together as families, learn one of those instead. It does not matter. What is important is mental health. Your children will catch up. I always say, children in primary, they're resilient. They will always catch up.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

I like that a lot. And actually, I'm I'm gonna I'm it's my job to ask the questions, but as somebody that does homeschool and does teach, something that I will say, you would be amazed at how they can learn, even if they're not doing lessons. Like there is learning in everything in baking, in singing, in painting, in building, in making a mess, or playing make-believe, or my kids are in the dirt half of the time playing this game called Wild Girls, where they they build huts and all sorts of stuff, and there's so much learning in that, and I do think that we need to take the pressure off ourselves. I'm gonna stay with you just for a second, Heather, because we've talked about below grade seven. Now, what about if your kids are at GCSE age? Because there's a lot of stress around.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

So you can imagine we're having lots of conversations with regulatory authorities, with exam boards, we're we're all over them at the moment. Now, what we understand at the today, okay, it's a very fluid, very changing situation. Of course. The exam boards are expecting the children to sit their exams. The schools are at the moment trying to plan for the kids to sit their exams. So the exams are likely to happen. What will happen in terms of the exam boards is that they will give them and what they call mitigating circumstance. Now, what that basically is is plus one grade. So the children will sit their exams. I of that I am 100% sure because if you think about an alert, the alert says take cover, go sit away, stay away from glass windows. All the schools have got auditoriums with no glass windows. The children can sit their exams without any problem at all. It's not ideal, it's not perfect, but actually they can sit their exams. Um, so they will sit their exams and they will be awarded a mitigating circumstance mark. Now, what that's going to be, we don't 100% know. But I think from parents, focus your children, they can sit exams. Now, what the exam boards have also said is they are going to waive some fees and they're going to make it very easy. If you decide to go to the UK, you can take your exam board number and all of your kind of graded work marks and move it to the UK. Now, that's always been possible, but they're making it very much easier to ensure that no child loses the opportunity that they should have. In terms of the longer picture, what that means is that your children will get their marks to go to university, which is what the A-level kids are really worried about, and they will they will progress to university 100%. Now, universities will also be very flexible, and I think one of the things we do know about universities over COVID and over other things that have happened, you know, situations within families, they are always flexible. They have given your child a place, they want your child to come. So I think in terms of A levels, actually the damage is very little as long as the work is done. You know, if you get an E, you're only going to go up to a D. So you know, just make sure you do that. I'm not saying that you're, you know, there's gonna there's no magic wand in this. In terms of GCSE, I mean what we said a GCSE for is in order to stay on at school to do eight levels. So when you do your GCSEs, yes, you may not get your grade nines, you know, that that might not be there, but the school will take you back. Now, what that means is that when you apply to university, it will be an application with some kind of letter from the school saying the reason why these grades were lower than we expect is this. So those children will not be impacted as long as they're revising now.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Okay, that's really good. Sage advice, I like that. And Rahini, you were speaking a little bit about how the landscape has changed for you quite a lot in terms of what your job is normally recruiting and building, and at the moment it's a lot of advising, a lot of letting go of. Now that's really sad to hear, but I'd love to know what your thoughts are. You you talked about having to sign contracts with companies that you work for. Um, I know a lot of people are coming to you from a kind of HR standpoint and saying, Well, I've just lost my job, what about this? Is there advice on if you are working for a company and they do approach you with a contract to to change something? What should we be looking for? What should we be doing in that circumstance?

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Okay, so companies, um firstly, they cannot reduce salaries without you agreeing to it. Okay, that was the sentence I wanted you to say.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Yes, because I I think that's really important that people have.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

They can't just say 50%, that's it. They have to ask you. Yes, right, and you have to agree to it. Um then there needs to be some sort of an amend addendum to to the contract or a new contract. It needs to be in writing. Now, if this is you, right, I would say, okay, take it, but put a finite timeline on it. Okay, so you say uh f for the next two months or something. Two months. Oh three months, but you must put a finite date. Yes. And what I would do, what I would suggest, and I've suggested this to many, is until um things return to normality and define normality.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Yes, okay. So we we have to be very specific. Yes. Don't worry, that wasn't an alert, it was an alarm. Right?

SPEAKER_00 20:46

So, so yes, so define it. Please define it. Um, let's learn those, keep those lessons we've learned from COVID times. Okay, right? Yeah. And now going back to our business, that's changed. So we we used to be employed as a company to build organizations, right? Best ones I've had are an idea on a paper, and today they've they employ 200 people. Now, so we used to have consultants building, and now we've got less consultants, and what they are doing is firing.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Yeah, that's really that's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

To have grown men sit there crying, just worried about their jobs. I mean, we talked about it on the on the British Mum's WhatsApp group a little bit. We sort of said, you know, it what's that um the the triangle and the base of it is like Matt Moislow's hierarchy. And when you that one, yeah, that one, that one, my love. When you feel as though the base of that is wobbling, it's very, very unsettling. And it and it's this, it's it's the between, right? We're in the limbo, it's sort of Like the upside down. It's the why are we nervous about the silence? Why are we nervous about the waiting for this? You know, that kind of like how do we get through it? What are you doing, both of you personally? How are you coping with the the sort of mental health part of it for yourselves? What are you doing to keep yourself sane? Obviously, mini eggs, because we all are mini eggs. Absolutely. Absolutely. What are you what are the things like personally in your house? Heather, what are you doing like personally in your house, in your home?

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Do you know we had somebody else just this question? I was sat with my um with Lindsay who works with me, and she we looked at each other, we just went, Do you know our problems are bigger than the war? Actually, this is this is barely affecting us at all. And I think the reality is that I'm believing in what's going to come. I'm not focusing on no social media, I don't doom scroll, I don't listen to people I don't want to listen to, I put the news on very quickly just to get the highlights, and I think the importance is that we look at what we're doing day to day. Once you start, you know, when when I first moved here, and gosh, 20 years ago, and I remember my mum phoning me because there was an earthquake in New Zealand. Are you okay? Uh why wouldn't I be okay? And I think the more we get stressed about everything around us, the more we spiral out of control. What matters at the moment is your children, your husband, your house, your pets, the day-to-day, and as long as we don't focus outside day-to-day, we're good. My husband works on in the oil and gas. He's constantly being sent to ports to move rigs, to move boats. And his boss said to me the other day, he said, Oh, we're going to look at some danger money. And I suddenly went, Yeah, it probably is quite a good idea, actually. You are in a very dangerous position. You know, he was sat on American rig the day that the a couple of days when the when um the conflict broke out and we were firing at American um assets. I can I can go stratospheric about that and I can really worry about it, or I can go, yeah, that's your job. My job is to keep the kids safe, my job is to do this. And I think the reality is don't focus on things you wouldn't normally focus on, because normally none of us care about world politics. We still don't need to care about world politics. Yes, they do impact us slightly. Focus on your day-to-day in your own home, in your own stuff. Because the more you think on macro level, you've got no control. And there's that lovely circle of things we can control and things we can't control. Focus on what you can control because the things you can't control will happen anyway.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

We can't control what's happening, but we can control where we direct our thoughts to an extent, can't we? Exactly. What about you, Rahini? What are you doing to what's your thing? Watching tele? I don't watch TV. You don't watch TV. I can't watch TV. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

What are you doing? Reading? Uh why? No, sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no. Um for me, knowledge is power. Okay. Right? So I am the complete opposite. I need to know everything.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

That's quite nice. I like that we have two different ways of coping because there's no wrong answer.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

No, there isn't. And this is it, this is the beauty of us human beings, right? We're all so different. And for me, knowledge is power. I need to know. I'm also a control freak. But that's besides. That's by the by. Yeah, that's by the by. So for me, knowledge is power, but also I get through it through humour. I have to laugh my way through it. That's nice. Yeah, I I if I cry, can you imagine my lines? And Victoria's not even here right now. No, no, no, no, can't be crying. Yeah, so yes, so I just laugh through it. Good. Yeah, yeah. But I need to know. Yeah. I need to know what's happening. When I don't know, I get anxious. Okay, fine, fair enough. You'd rather know what the business is. I need to know, and then I need to make decisions accordingly. Because don't forget the decision that I might make affects so many families that work for us.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

And I'm scared of making the wrong decision.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

So you you feel that you want to be informed so that you know what the next step is. Yeah, and that's absolutely fair enough. Well, I can honestly say this from the bottom of my heart, and I know that I'm speaking on behalf of everybody on the British Mons community. You two and your words are incredibly comforting, and they're comforting even when there's nothing going on. But in the current climate, they are really, really lovely, and I just I want to thank you guys, both of you, from everyone in the community for just keeping level-headed, keeping things light, keeping things nimble, and um listening when we wobble. Now, listen, I'm gonna wrap it up, otherwise we'll talk forever.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Um, can I just say one little thing? Of course. For for yes, for people that are being asked to sign new contracts, right? Please read it properly. Please, please, please read it properly. Same for exam questions, by the way. Oh yes, of course. What was it? Was it what uh I can't remember? Read, there's there's an acronym that I used to say to an ape before exams. Read russak, rusak, read, understand something, something. Anyhow. Oh, whatever. Sage advice there. Something, something, something, something. Whatever, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

And can I just throw it back at Emma? Can I just say that thanks to British Mums, because this is the community that will see us through it. Being nice to everyone, being kind, whatever you do, acknowledge other people's feelings, they're their feelings, they're not yours. You don't need to live or die by their feelings, you need to live or die by yours, and just embrace British Mums because British Mums is what's going to get us through this all together.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

I couldn't I couldn't agree more, guys. Uh, that's a beautiful sign-off. I won't add anything. Uh, you are a part of this now. Oh mamas, what a wonderful time I had with beautiful Raheini and Heather. They really are just such a comforting presence in person as well as on our wonderful community group. Um, we hope that you're well, guys. We really are sending you love and light from the British Mamas team. We know that attentions are high, we know that emotions are high, and we know that there's a lot going on, but please know that we're thinking of you, that we're there supporting you silently from the sidelines, and we hope that you find some peace and you stay safe and stay safe. You are